Everyone in my house is excited that summer is finally here. Swimming. The beach. Cook-outs. Catching fireflies. I, too, am excited about all of this. But first, I wanted to catch up on a few small projects that I can never seem to find time for when our schedule is dictated by school, and activities, and homework.
There's just one small problem. My kids.
OK, so make that three small problems.
I was downstairs going through clothes they've outgrown, and came upstairs to find that my two and three-year-olds had poured soap all over the new couch. I know what you're thinking. Who buys a new couch with three young kids? Why, someone whose kids destroyed their old couch, of course.
I no longer ask why they do the things they do, but I don't have to. They tell me anyway.
"Mom, look! We're growing strawberries on the new couch!".
Now you know why I don't ask.
I decided that I should probably stay on the same floor of the house as they were to minimize future damage, so I started organizing our home office while they were watching Sesame Street in the living room. Elmo can usually be counted on to entertain them for ten minutes, and their seven-year-old sister can be counted on to rat them out after ten seconds, so I figured I had somewhere between ten seconds and ten minutes to get something done.
After about five minutes, I realized that it was really quiet. In fact, except for the sound of running water, it was eerily quiet. The kind of quiet that fills every mother's heart with dread. I peeked around the corner to see that they had poured water all over the kitchen floor. And the living room rug. And into their father's shoes.
They quickly explained that they were helping me.
Yup. They sure are. Helping me lose my mind.
Obviously, Elmo didn't do his job. Neither did my daughter.
They're both fired.
Clearly, this plan of mine--like most of my plans-- was not going to work. And then, it dawned on me. Of course! I couldn't believe I hadn't thought of it sooner.
The perfect solution.
I just need to find one with everything we're looking for.
Like mandatory nap time every afternoon.
And happy hour.
And a sign that says,
No kids allowed.