.

Dear Snooki

I'm just not sure what to tell the kids...

Dear Snooki,

I recently heard that you've written a book. I'm not sure what it's about, but I'm guessing its about..well, being Snooki. Cause really...what else could it be about? I'm assuming there will be a book tour involved. But wait..aren't you having a baby? How do you go on a book tour with a baby?

Oh, nevermind, I'm sure you'll work it out.

I just hope you don't leave the baby with that greasy looking guy with the muscles. You know the one I mean, right? I think I saw on a tabloid cover that you and he had...well, you know. Oh wait, maybe that was the other greasy looking guy with the muscles. Sorry, Snooki, I just cant keep them straight.

It would probably help if I actually watched your show. But I gotta tell you, I just can't do it. I tried.  Once. Maybe twice. And honestly, Snooks, it depressed me. It just wasn't entertaining, though it was thought provoking, in a wow-what-has-our-country-come-to kind of way. Don't get me wrong. I think trash TV definitely has its place, and I have been known to lock myself in my basement to hang with the Real Housewives of New Jersey on occasion, but mainly because their kind of crazy makes me feel much much better about my own kind of crazy. Nothing about your kind of crazy made me feel better about my own kind of crazy. Your kind of crazy just made me want to take a shower.

So, as I was saying, I'm sure there's a book tour coming up, and if you don't mind, I'd like to ask you a huge favor.

Please don't come here.

It's not you personally. It's just that my kids are getting older, and if they saw people lined up in front of the book store to see you, they would ask what your book is about. And I'm thinking that after I tell them it's about being Snooki, and they ask what a Snooki is, I wouldn't know what else to say. You see, I'm trying to teach them that books are valuable tools that can help them learn all about the world, and that people buy books because they believe the author has something of value to say. If they saw, say, Maya Angelou signing books, I could tell them that she's an amazing author and poet who writes about all kinds of things, including equality, and history, and acceptance. If they saw you signing books, well, I'm just not sure what I could possibly tell them except...Oh, look...it's Snooki. Signing her book about...nookie.

I'm sure you can see why this just wouldn't work. As I said, it's not personal. I would tell those Kardashian sisters the same thing if they were writing a book. I mean, how do I explain to my children why those people are famous? OK, so I admit it. I actually watched their show a few times, but then I had to turn it off, because I had an overwhelming urge to take a shower.

I'm sure you can see where I'm coming from. I mean, you're going to be a mom soon, too.

So from one mom to another, please, no book tour stops for us.

If you decide to come here anyway, please just let me know.

So I can plan to be in the shower.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This post is contributed by a community member. The views expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Patch Media Corporation. Everyone is welcome to submit a post to Patch. If you'd like to post a blog, go here to get started.

Maryann June 08, 2012 at 03:58 AM
Thanks Karen. Maybe you should just write her a letter :)
Jonathan Moynihan June 08, 2012 at 01:21 PM
Chris, as the editor of Edgewater-Davidsonville Patch, I invite any and everyone to blog on a variety of topics they find interesting, entertaining of insightful. If you want to join in this blogger community, always feel free to email me at jonathan.moynihan@patch.com
Mary June 08, 2012 at 01:32 PM
Chris, just like a newspaper has editorials, opinion pieces and blogs, Patch.com has blogs, too! Feel free to skip over them, as they are clearly not what you're looking for, and a waste of your time. As a parent, I thought Maryann's writing was pretty relevant!
Amanda Hatton January 17, 2013 at 01:34 AM
I just came across this post and read the comments. Thank you for quite an entertaining time. I enjoyed your humor greatly! I have often wondered why I went through the trouble to getting two degrees when all I really have to do to be successful is to have no morals, be loud, and not be afraid to flaunt it all on TV. Hmmmm....good job Maryann!!
Maryann January 17, 2013 at 02:38 PM
Thanks Amanda! Fame is way too easy to come by these days!

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