I recently discovered that there is a positive aspect to your septic system overflowing all over your basement.
When the septic system overflows all over your basement, you have to rip up all the carpet, and your husband installs tile, and you get an area rug for the middle of the room, and because the rug has that new rug smell, you open the windows to air it out.
And fortunately, even though your husband closed the windows last night, you decided this morning that they really needed to be opened, because that room still had the new rug smell.
And amazingly, you actually remembered to open them.
Which you are grateful for a few hours later, when your four year old informs you, through his laughter, that he has locked his two year old brother in that same room.
And this time, for some reason, the old coat hanger trick isn't working.
So you go outside, and you remove the screen, and you pray that the neighbors aren't watching, as you haul yourself through the window. At one point, you think maybe you should have brought your phone, in case you get stuck.
But then you realize, there's no way you would ever actually call anyone to tell them you are stuck in the basement window anyway. You would just stay there, half in and half out, hoping that someone passing by would bring you some Crisco, while never actually acknowledging that you are stuck in your window.
Fortunately, you have enough room, and don't need the phone anyway.
Or the Crisco.
You do, however, realize that someone should be cleaning the outside window sills. Those things are disgusting.
But as half of your body is through the window, and you are contemplating how exactly to get your legs in without breaking one or both of them on the newly installed tile, your sweet two year old who has been quietly watching cartoons looks up at you, and says,
"Hi mom! Are you having a good day?"
Well, you know. I've had better.
Once you are in, and give your two year old lessons on how to unlock the door, you retrieve your four year old from his room and explain that he cannot lock his brother in the basement.
It's not nice. It could have scared him.
You then text one of your dearest friends, to fill her in on how exactly your day is going, and because she's one of your dearest friends, who has only your best interest at heart and wants only good things for you, she responds with, "Hahahahahahahahahahahaha".
Because that's what friends are for, obviously.
And then, to drive your point home with your four year old, you tell him that you had to crawl through the window to rescue his brother from the basement.
He stares at you for a minute, and you think that at least he now realizes the error of his ways.
And then he smiles and said "Really, mom? You crawled in through the window? Wow. You are cool, mom. You are so cool".
Yup, that's me.
So if you happen to drive by my house and see legs sticking out of the basement window, just remember...
I'm cool.
