Ok, I'll admit it.
There are certain places I try to avoid going with all three kids.
And by "try to avoid", I mean that I would rather stay home and scrub the toilets with my toothbrush than take all three kids with me.
(No, I wouldn't use my toothbrush after that. Just in case you were wondering).
Obviously, it's harder to get anything done with all three, but that's not the reason I avoid it. I avoid it because three kids means it's three times more likely that I will be embarrassed, humiliated, or asked to leave wherever it is we are.
It's just not a chance I want to take.
Don't get me wrong. They do great at some places.
The bank, for example. The nice bank people give them lollipops. And we use the drive through.
And they're always great when I take them to....well....did I say the bank already?
Oh, there are a few other places where they follow the rules and don't get into trouble. They're great at the park. And two of them have been to Disney World, and to my knowledge, they didn't break a single rule there. They're also really well behaved at the zoo--you could say they fit right in.
I do try to avoid taking all three to the grocery store. And the post office. And Church. But of course, I have to go to the grocery store, and the post office. And if you've ever seen us the grocery store or the post office, you understand why we really, really have to go to Church.
I'm the first to admit that, during some of these trips, they may have been less than civilized.
So to the people who were in the post office the day that two of them screamed at a decibel previously unknown to humanity for the entire five minutes we were there, I apologize. And now you now know just how long five minutes really is.
And to the lady at the grocery store who gave me the look that clearly said, Your children are going to end up in prison, I'd like to say, I'm sorry they disturbed you. But really, don't you think you should have moved when you saw that they were playing football with that pint of ice cream in the frozen food aisle? (And you have to admit, that was a great throw for a not quite two-year-old, don't you think?)
To the people who were around us in Church the day my three-year-old offered everyone beer, I'm really sorry he offended you. And for those of you who weren't offended, I'm sorry we didn't really have beer. I know that must have been incredibly disappointing. Hey, at least they were serving wine.
And finally, to the man who had to watch me crawl to the top of the play area at the fast food place to retrieve my screaming two-year-old, as my five-year-old and newborn waited below, I am truly sorry you had to witness that. It couldn't have been pretty. But don't think I didn't notice that you were videotaping the whole thing with your phone. I better never see that on YouTube.
So, to all of you that we've offended, irritated, annoyed, or inconvenienced, please accept my apology.
But I'd also like to say this:
Do you have any idea what people pay to be entertained like that?
And you got it all for free.