We recently discovered that, for the second time in two years, ours cars were broken into.

I have several things I'd like to say to the perpetrator.

 First, you're a dirtbag. Get a real job.

I also need to say this:

Judging by what you took from my husband's car, you were looking for things you could sell. Power tools, phones, or a GPS. You found some of that in his truck.

But my car doesn't have any of those things. You see, mine is the family car.  And I have three young kids who spend a lot of time in there.

 I'm guessing you were pretty disappointed when you started going through my car. No power tools. No GPS. No phone. But you have to admit, there's some interesting stuff in there. You probably had no idea there could be that many Elmos in one car. And how about those Little People? Who knew they made so many, right? Did you see the one that looks like the baby Jesus? He's from a kids' Nativity set, but my son carries him around all year long. Bet you didn't expect to see Jesus staring up at you when you set off on your little mission, did you?

 Did you notice the six toy trains? And the airplane? And the police car? Too bad it wasn't a real one. What about the three pairs of shoes scattered around the backseat? I'm sure you couldn't have missed those.

 In other words, welcome to Hoarders: The Toddler Years

 I'm sure none of that was what you were looking for, which in a way, is kind of disappointing to me. I mean, it really would have been OK with me if you had taken a train or two..or five. And an Elmo or two wouldn't have been missed. And clearly, you need that baby Jesus more than we do right now.

I also wanted to tell you, my kids love lollipops. The nice bank people give them out, and it's often the only way to keep the kids quiet for a few minutes. So if you felt something sticky when you were rummaging around, it was from the lollipop sticks. Maybe.

 And maybe not.